This post is all about a very specific type of female: the “woo-girl.” If you watch How I Met Your Mother faithfully like I do, then you should already know what a woo-girl is. But, for those of you who are living under a rock, or just do not like How I Met Your Mother- which would make you an idiot- “a woo-girl is a type of young woman, who like the cuckoo bird or the Whip-Poor-Will, gets her name from the signature sound she makes: WOOO!!”
I, myself, have been know to be a woo-girl. I do not woo alone, however. I always have at least two other woo-ers with me. I have never seen a woo-girl woo alone…until last night.
My best friend and I went to see Gabriel Iglesias and a few more comedians do their comedy routine in Little Rock, AR. We were second row and pretty excited that we were finally seeing one of our favorite comedians in person. The excitement was short-lived. As soon as the lights went down we heard the dreaded sound…”WOOO!!!” We had found our woo-girl, and just our luck, she was sitting right in front of us.
Now, I would like it to be noted that I have never had a problem with a woo-girl until last night. She woo-ed over anything! It was complete, over-the-top woo-ing. This girl woo-ed anytime someone mentioned weed, alcohol, or mexicans. It should also be noted that this girl is white…like porcelain doll white. I have no idea why she was so supportive of Mexicans, but hey, nothing is wrong with that.
She broke 3 woo-girl rules:
- Do not woo at a comedy show. It’s just not the right place to woo. You can woo when the performers come out and if they mention alcohol. (I always woo for alcohol.) But do not woo after every sentence they say.
- Do not woo sober. You should only woo after having a minimum of four drinks. That way you can always blame your woo-ing on the a-a-a-alcohol.
- The most important woo rule: DO NOT WOO ALONE!! If you are the only person woo-ing in the whole place, you should stop. Woo-ing is only acceptable if a minimum of three girls are woo-ing.
Another thing that bothered me about this woo-girl was her woo dance. The universal woo dance is simple: throw both arms in the air and yell WOO! For this girl’s woo dance, she chose to extend her left arm in the air and use her right arm to spank an invisible person’s ass that was apparently in front of her. I’m pretty sure this dance is reserved for drunken fraternity members only.
In conclusion, if you want to be a woo-girl, just be sure to follow 3 simple rules: Only woo in party atmospheres, only woo after a four drink minimum, and NEVER, EVER woo alone!
Much love from a professional woo-er,
-Ali Nicole
smalltowngirlwithbigcitydreams 